February 24, 2014 by nourishing buttons
The weather was stormy for me for some of last year, but after the storm came calm and peace. Joy cannot be experienced without sorrow, happiness without sadness, warmth without coldness, for there needs to be experience of one to feel the other. ‘The deeper sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain’ Kahlil Gibran. Accept feelings in to your life with open arms for they are there to learn from and give light and shade to your life. For without the shade there can be no light.
I have discovered 3 new things recently – coaching, mindfulness and non-violent (compassionate) communication, and there is an amazing synergy between them. They resonate with me on a deep level.
Placing great importance on compassion, empathy, kindness and non-judgmental thinking is crucial to my contentment and happiness. They are the beautiful underpinnings of harmonious relationships with both myself and others.
1 – What others do is never the cause of our feelings. Our own interpretation of other people’s behaviour is the root of our feelings. If we put on judging ears there will be blame. Often we can be conditioned into blaming by our life’s journey, and there is nothing to gain from blame. Developing the muscle of mindfulness will give rise to right thought, noticing feelings and realising your true self. This combined with using the compassionate communication model of uncovering our need in the situation will help in understanding ourselves, and also help with communication at the time.
2 – A poem of truth entitled The Gueshouse by Rumi, the sufi mystic teaches us about accepting our feelings and experiences, both positive and negative. For everything can be learned from. Nothing should be fought against, as it comes to us for a reason, although that reason cannot always be seen or understood at the time.
3 – We are not our mind, although it would like us to think we are! It is merely a useful tool. Our soul and being is very distinct from our mind. By noticing our thoughts we realise they are fleeting, and tied to our sense of ego. Our ego has been conditioned by our experiences, and we view ourselves and others through it, often placing judgements. To shed this ego is hard but is necessary for lightening our experience of ourself and our life.
4 – Unconditional love is a beautiful experience – to know you are loved for simply being you. To feel and give love with no expectations or limitations is truly what life is about. I asked my young son ‘why does Mummy love you?’, he answered ‘Because I’m good’. His answer said so much and made me realise how much I need to work on my loved ones knowing I love them unconditionally. To tell my children I love them for being them, when they are angry or sad as well as when they are happy or good.
THE GUEST HOUSE
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
— Jelaluddin Rumi
Love and light